So this is Christmas??!!

This time of year can be such a crazy time! I'm always so excited about Christmas morning (probably more than my children) but getting there just about kills me. This year Lee Cooper wants a drum set. (He has actually wanted one for two years now, but so far Santa has come up with better ideas. This year I'm afraid Santa has been dumb.) If he happens to get a drum set for Christmas, seeing the smile on his face will make all the bangs and clangs worth it for this pregnant mommy.(hopefully!) I've been thinking about Christmas, and how wrapped up I get in the giving of Christmas, the traditions of Christmas, and making sure we get to as many family gatherings as we can with great big happy smiles on all of our faces. All of this stress and worry causes me to be reminded of the true meaning of Christmas. (Look, I know you just rolled your eyes and you think you know where this is going before I've even finished, but just hear me out.) I know that is a slightly cliché thing to say, but for me it is real. As real as it gets. I'm told that as long as I have faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains. This is one of my favorite verses of the Bible, and one I repeat often to myself because I'm a somewhat analytical person. (I guess I get that from my daddy.) On some days I have the faith that if I leaped off the mountain, I would soar on eagles wings, and then there are days when I have faith the size of a grain of sand. This is probably because I tend to be a worrier. I worry about our finances, and if Zach and I will ever be able to meet our financial goals. I worry about my children becoming productive members of society. I worry about my husband's health and that I will hopefully never face a day without the security of him by my side. Saying that I like logics and saying I'm a Christian is very contradictory. Let's face it, logic tells us not to believe in a virgin birth, or that the child of this virgin would grow up to preach and teach. That He would heal the blind and make the lame walk or turn water into wine. Logics say there is no way an innocent man would go pray in a garden and wait for people to come and arrest Him w/ no guilt of any crime, to stand trial with no defense, to watch His closest friends turn their backs on Him. That the spotless lamb would hang on a tree when he had the power to call 10,000 angels to rescue Him, to die for me and the many generations that came before me and after me, that He would be seen again on earth for some days only to ascend into heaven. That it is His desire to take me there with Him one day. None of these things seem logical. None of them make sense, but for me they are as real as my husbands love for me, my love for my children, or my childhood memories. Even on my weakest day, where my faith wavers on so many levels, these truths are still apart of me. Even when I hold my hands up and ask why, I know that someone is there listening to my agony and loving me in spite of it. My Jesus. My Savior. One day, I'll  spend His birthday with Him. I'll dance and sing for Him. I won't have to feel so weak, but until those days let me thank Him for being that beautiful gift of a Savior! Let me thank Him for his love for me, and for the many gifts I have in this life.


Matthew 17:20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."


Luke 2:9-14
And behold an angel of the Lord stood before them and the glory of the Lord shone around them and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them. "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: you will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

      "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"

Who has time for this????

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

I love my van. I really do. It has room for everybody.  It has doors that open by the touch of a button.(Fancy!) It has a lot of cup holders, and it has a dvd player that makes my life sooo nice. You can judge me if you want for letting my kids watch movies in the van. I don't mind. I understand that it would be better for them to look at the beautiful trees and discuss the leaves changing and falling to the ground or for them to be playing wonderful car games and singing to the top of their lungs. That would absolutely be ideal, but I'm doing good to get them all in the car without cutting their heads off.  I figure a movie isn't hurting them. In other words, yes it is because I'm lazy, and by the time I get behind the wheel, I'm tired. (And truth be told I still answer a thousand questions about the trees and clouds and birds and grass and roads and trucks and truck drivers and hand me this mama and where is my this mama sooooo I don't care if you judge me for letting my children watch Cinderella.) When we picked out our van, I was pregnant with the twins, and we were thinking about carseats to hold all of our babies. We didn't have the money to buy a new van, so we got a very nice van that had some miles on it. (A lot of miles actually!) I figured with me being married to the boy that can fix everything, we could make this van last through med school and well into residency. (Let me clear my throat.)

The first thing that has happened to my van is my wonderful husband decided I needed some connector device hooked up to the radio, so I could listen to music from my I Pod. Isn't he sweet? So thoughtful. Now, that was fine with me because like I said he is a master at knowing how things work, and I trust his decisions. (UH EM!) In the process of hooking said little connector device to the radio, something happened. I'm still not really sure what even though he has explained it to me several times. (Let's be honest. I don't care what happened. I just want it to not happen!) Anyway, the cd player will not work, and the dvd player is broken. Yep broken! Now, he says he can fix this, and I have full confidence in him that he will be able to fix it, but it hasn't happened yet. We have been on two trips in the wonderful van with no dvd player......one all the way to Knoxville, TN and back. Then we traveled with five children to Asheville, NC and back. We survived, but there were definitely times that I exchanged glances with Mr. Cooper and told him with my eyes that a dvd player sure would be nice right about now!

Another problem with the van is the engine has had a coolant leak or something to that effect. I discovered the seriousness of this when Mama and I were on our way back to Eudora from G'ville one day. I swear we thought there was a rat in the glove box because we kept hearing it knock around in the dash. You can imagine the fear that was in the van in those moments, but we made it to Eudora with no sighting of the mouse. I dropped mama off and headed back to Shreveport. I decided to give Z a call on my way home. I was telling him all about the weekend. "Mama and I did this and then we laughed about that and then we thought there was a rat in the glove box. Haha! It was so funny, Zach." His responses to me consisted of "uh huh," "yep," "oh yeah. That is funny." After talking for about 15 mins, I glanced down at my gages and realized we were hot. I mean really hot. I told Zach, and let's just say that he convinced me I should probably check my gages a little more than I do. I did what most girls would've done in my position. Told Zach that I would handle it, and quickly called my daddy. (For future reference girls, if you hear a knocking sound,  CHECK YOUR GAGES! DO NOT ASSUME IT IS A MOUSE!) Tisdale came to my rescue! He bought coolant, filled the little thing up, and showed me how to do it if I was ever in this position again. (It should be noted that he did not make me feel stupid. Thank you DADDY. uh em!)

Okay, so this brings us to the current problems with the van. It blows smoke like a freight train. I mean seriously, it is a sight. It also sounds funny. Zach has decided that it has a blown gasket, which is a big deal apparently. It kept my Z up all night one night wondering what we were going to do. He walked through our room about 2:00 in the morning, and said he couldn't sleep because he was worried about the van. I was as sympathetic as I could be for someone that was sound asleep. He also explained to me about pistons and up and down and oil and water. I really did try to listen with the intent to learn. The nest day, Zachary Ryan talked to a mechanic and there is apparently some bottle of something that we can pour down in there somewhere and it will stop a leak. He is going to try that before taking it to a real mechanic. (Uh em!)

This brings me to this morning. Oh this morning. Zach has an interview in Dallas today, so of course he isn't home. Nor, do I want to call him because you know he is busy making decisions about our future. I slept with all 3 babies last night. Wait. Scratch that. Let's make it all four babies because this pregnancy is getting REAL! We woke up this morning, and of course Lee doesn't want to go to school.  That is like pulling teeth. I hear things from him like, "I'm dying." Um no you are not Lee. "I wish I had your life mama." Oh yeah, Lee. Sure you do. "But I just want to spend time with my Kate and Wade." hahaha that is a funny one. I got all the kids dressed with breakfast in their hands and loaded in the car. Turned the key. Click click click. NOOOOO! The battery was dead. Zach had already decided that it would be safe for me to drive Lee to school and then come straight back home. I was so mad at my silly silly van. (I would say stupid van but I know that isn't nice so I'm trying to be respectful.) So now, here I sit with all of my children. 

There is no point to this story, and it is much longer than I planned on it being, but we could just call this a little rant. Sorry if it was a boring one. The children do not seem to sympathize with their mama too much. 

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:29-30